Sisters

I love relationships.

It's no secret that I got married at a young age. Days after I turned 21 to be exact. I found what I thought was a great guy, and after so many bad ones, I longed and yearned to be with someone who valued my traditions, family, and friends. I am so glad I am in a place where I don't feel like I NEED a man. Sure, someday I want to get married again. But I will be so much more picky the next time around.

I crave friendship.

I don't have many close friends. My bestie Alesia, who I can completely open up to and be vulnerable with. There are no more than 3 people in my life that I can count on, any time of the day or night. I crave friendship with one person more than any other, though. My sister.

We grew up fairly close. We fought, as siblings always do. But I idolized her. Everything she did, everywhere she went. She had the coolest friends, coolest clothes and cutest guys around her. I always wanted to tag along. When she met her husband, who I might add, has been an amazing husband and daddy, it was like a wedge was driven between us. I was young and stupid, and they were both young, and I felt like he took her away from me. She wasn't home anymore, and all she could talk about was him, him, him. I get why, now. When you are young and fall in love, it's all you care about. It doesn't make it right or wrong, but somewhere along the line, you lose your head.

How I wish I could have gone to her for so many things. When I didn't know what to do in college. Whether or not I should have broken up with a boy. Having a double date. Calling her when I was hit on by my husband, or cheated on. Those were hard things, but this is the hardest.

We both have kids we adore. We adore each other's kids. I want to call her with funny stories, sad stories, and everything in between. She moved a few hours away with her family about a year ago, and she told me in an email. I was so hurt that she felt like she couldn't just tell me. I know I must have messed up, or closed off, or whatever, but I wish there was something I could do to bring us closer.

Now, more than ever, I want her. I want a loving, respectful, adult relationship with my sister, who I always wanted to be my best friend. I'm not sure where to go from here.