Faith is so hard. Faith is believing in something you can't physically see. Faith is taking a step down the stairs with your eyes closed. Faith, for me, is hoping that one day I will have a family again, while I wander feeling aimless in this huge world. I look at my life and my troubles, and they are so small compared to some people's. I look at my friend Heather ( ) and can feel her heartache through her words. She lost her precious daughter almost 2 years ago, and her hurt and pain is the same as it was that day. Can you imagine? Could you feel like you lose your child every day, and still be able to walk? I'm not sure I could. I look at her and Mike, and how strong they are every single day. When I have lost track of one of my kids, my heart drops for a second. I can't even fathom how it must feel to have that feeling a thousand, a million times a day. Faith for them, is to one day see Maddie again, wherever that may be. Faith, for the Spohrs, is for the same thing not to happen to their daughter Annabel. It would take great faith to get up every morning if I were in their shoes.
Or another friend I have, who's daughter has neuroblastoma. She went through chemotherapy and radiation, and has been having periodic appointments in another town 5 hours away. Yesterday, the family found out that their sweet five year old's cancer has returned. This means this child will never be in complete remission. The cancer may go away for a period of time, but will always come back. Faith for this family is that the cancer stays away. Faith is that it will be longer than a year before it comes back. Waking up every day, wondering if cancer is growing in your own flesh and blood's body.
I look at these situations, and others. I am so thankful for what I have. I may not always be the best mom, and I'm definitely not the worst, but I have been blessed beyond belief. I may never have all the answers I want about life and the afterlife, but I am completely content with where I am at right now. Today. That is all I can ask for.
I just wanted to let you know that just because you don't have a husband, doesn't mean that you are not a family. :0) Something I've learned along the way, is that a person just needs to make the most of wherever they are at the time. Life is full of memories in the making. I decided a while back to make sure memories of me will be good ones for those I'm with. Not that every day is a happy one, but overall, my outlook needs to be pleasant, with that element of fun adventure and lots of love.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts! Your kids are lucky to have you for their mama.